Cove Dweller

Hello, Mandy, my name is Bruce

2006-11-29T22:56:00.000-08:00

Recently, new Giants manager Bruce Bochy flew down to Florida to meet with maligned closer Armando Benitez. Bochy has kept the reason and result of this meeting a secret, but Cove Dweller is all over that shit like white on rice. Here's what went down between Mandy and Sputnik:

Bruce Bochy: Armando, nice to see you. Thanks for meeting me.

Armando Benitez: No problem, Bruce. Please to come in.

BB: (hits head on crystal-and-cubic zirconium chandelier) Ooh, sorry about that! You might want to raise that thing a little.

AB: It is 7 feet off ground. I did my job. Some people have big fat heads that are not my fault.

BB: Oh. ... What's that I smell? Bacon? I hope I'm not interrupting breakfast.

AB: No, no, do not worry. It is second lunch. Donuts wrapped in bacon, with deep-fried Snickers on the side. Would you like some of my bacon-holes?

BB: Oh, no, thank you. I'm not hungry. Maybe a glass of water.

AB: You like buttermilk? It is all I drink.

BB: Um, no thanks. So, listen, Armando, I wanted to talk to you about next season. You know we're counting on you to be a part of our bullpen.

AB: I am closer. I close baseball games, it is simple job.

BB: Well, of course you'll get the chance to be the closer again, but ...

AB: Felipe say to me I could be closer.

BB: Oh, well, you know, Felipe's gone now. I took his place.

AB: But Felipe say I his closer. He send me basket of Fruit Roll-ups as present.

BB: Felipe left the team, Armando. I'm your new coach. And I'm here to tell you that we need you next year. You're making close to $8 million next year, you're the heaviest player on the team, and Kevin Frandsen told me about the time you ate Todd Linden. That's not very nice, Armando. You have to be a leader on this team.

AB: Of course I do that. I'm Armando! I close games! I win big and sex many ladies!

BB: Exactly. And if you don't pitch like you did last year, you'll be valuable to us.

AB: I did my job last year.

BB: Well, see, no, you didn't really. That's why you got demoted and your season was so unfortunate.

AB: Demoted? Unfortunate? What you talk about?

BB: You lost your closer job. You were booed every time you stepped out of the dugout. You threw your teammates under the bus.

AB: Well, once they change rules, I started pitching better. Coach said I was not good in ninth inning, so is good thing they shorten games.

BB: Uh ... shortened the games?

AB: Yes, to 7 innings. I pitched much better in 7th inning, so is good thing they shorten game to 7 innings. I save many games after that.

BB: Felipe told you they shortened the games?

AB: Yes, of course. He nice old man. Remind me of many brain-dead Caribbean slap hitters I fuck with hard ball. Why you ask?

BB: Uh ... I just ... oh, well, I was just double checking. Yeah, we're going to need to for those 7th innings! Hope you're ready!

AB: Yes, I am ready! I will fuck batters in their ass with my hard balls!

BB: Uh, right.

The Barry A's

2006-11-18T22:01:00.000-08:00

Apparently, the A's have interest in signing Bonds as their new DH since Frank Thomas bolted for the warmer climes of Toronto. (He definitely just wants to win a championship. No doubt.)
So then ... Barry on the A's. I have so many feelings about Bonds and the Giants at this point that it's almost like I have no feelings whatsoever — no matter what he does, I don't think I'll flinch. If he leaves for an AL team, I'll be fine. If he re-signs with the Giants, I'll be cool as well. (As long as they don't sign him for more than, say $9 mil.) I'm just over it all, honestly. I won't sugarcoat it, it will be extremely strange to see him in something other than a Giants uniform. (Even video evidence of his days in Pittsburgh look fake, since it's basically a different person than we've seen on the Giants.) But if he's still on TV here everyday, and still a fixture in the Bay Area? Not as weird at all. The A's are the one team that he could play for that I wouldn't cringe at. But I can't imagine Barry playing for Bob Geren. No, scratch that, I can't believe Geren would want to coach Bonds in his first season as a skipper, as Bonds aims for the most hallowed record in sports. I doubt the man is ready for it.
Well, I lied earlier — I might get a little mad if Bonds leaves. But only if he goes to the Angels. Then I'm fucking breaking stuff.

Offseason Extravaganza!

2006-11-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

Sort of. You thought I was dead for the winter, didn't you? Silly rabbit! I"ll check in occasionally with offseason updates on trade rumors, hirings, firings, signings and the like. Much to discuss! Let's begin:
1. Bruce Bochy - Start cranking out those soze 8 3/4 Giants hats, New Era. I'm a fan of this hiring. The man won three division titles and went a World Series - which he would have won if not for those pesky record-setting Yankees - in 12 years in San Diego. There are many levels to this hiring. One, in theory it makes the Padres weaker, even though they wanted him out anyway. Still, it's nice to fuck the Pads. Two, it's an infinitely better move than hiring Lou Piniella, which would have been a bigger disaster than "Poseidon." Three, it means the team is serious about trying to re-sign Bonds. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but it's something, and as long as they don't overpay I'll be happy to have him back. If they had hired Joe Girardi or Ron Wotus or a first-time manager, that would have been an admission that they were going with the youth movement next year and giving up on Bonds. Bochy is someone Bonds would respect.
2. The Pat Burrell rumors - I like Pat Burrell. A lot. I know he strikes out a ton and doesn't have good plate discipline, but he plays a mean right field, he's only 30 and he hits lots of homers. If they can get him without giving up a lot AND get the Phillies to eat some of his obscene contract, I'm all for it. It would hurt the chances of signing Alfonso Soriano or Carlos Lee, but those were longshots anyway. If I had my druthers, I'd take Lee first, Burrell second and Soriano third. So Burrell is a good option, as long as they don't have to give up Jonathan Sanchez or Merkin Valdez.
3. All the free agents - Umm, who's going to play third base? And first base? Are they really going to war with Kevin Frandsen at second? If Bonds doesn't come back, who's playing left field? It's early, and the Bochy hire and a Burrell trade would shore up a lot of questions, but there's a lot of work to be done. But I have faith. And the winter meetings always stir up some fun.
RANDOM MOVIE RECOMMENDATION: I'm probably the last person on Earth who hadn't seen "The Departed," but I saw it last night, and if you're even farther behind the times than me, go see it. Everyone was amazing in it, but Leonardo DiCaprio absolutely owned the movie. He's unbelievable in it. An awesome movie.
Also, the Olsen twins were in the theater with me. That's right, I saw a movie with the fuckin Olsen twins. Very strange, and yet comically normal at the same time. Had they actually not seen the movie yet? Did they know some of the actors? Why were they in SF? I'm brimming with questions. MK and Ash, call me so we can discuss.

Is it over yet?

2006-09-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

The answer, sadly, is yes. There's no way the Giants beat the Padres or Dodgers. The Gents would have to win out basically, and hope one of those two go down the tubes. Both those teams are playing pretty well, and the Giants just lost four straight to the highly mediocre Cardinals and wildly below-average Rockies - this season's done. Call me in February, when pitchers and catchers report. Until then, GO NINERS! And to a lesser degree, go Warriors.

BTW, did anyone SEE that Dodgers-Padres game Monday? Four straight homers! That's video game shit right there.

Crunch time

2006-09-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure that Matt Cain has reached immortal status quite yet. Right now I would liken him to someone more like Hercules...less than a god, but more than a man. As soon as he gets his pitch counts under control, he will be summarily elevated to "god" status. He even has the biblical name and everything. This could happen sooner than anyone might think. It seems like he gets better with every start...yesterday against the Rockies he threw 118 pitches in eight innings. That is usually how many pitches he throws through six innings. And every outing seems like a legitimate no-hitter waiting to happen.

That being said, it's a shame the rest of the Giants' pitching staff can't follow Cain's example. Schmidt, the staff ace at the beginning of the season, has been inconsistent all year. Cain has definitely taken over "ace" status in his last 5-6 starts. And that's a shame, really. Imagine if Schmidt had been pitching like he's capable of. There wouldn't be a deadlier 1-2 punch in baseball. Yet I still hold out hope that if the Gents reach the playoffs, Schmidt will be a gamer and give us some throwback outings.

Better yet, imagine if Matt Morris had lived up to his salary and not been one of the most disappointing Giants' free-agent acquisitions in recent memory. A dominant starter with St. Louis, Morris has, like so many other veterans, come to San Francisco and essentially been put out to pasture. Think of the possibilities for a five game playoff series with Cain, Schmidt, and Morris all in their primes. What NL team would want to go up against that?

So far this discussion has only included the Gents' right-handers. What about the lefty, you might ask? Oh that's right, Noah Lowry. He has been even streakier than Schmidt all season. When his control is off, like it was during his last start against the Rockies, watch out. Lowry is yet another Giants pitcher who has not lived up to the hype. Imagine if Lowry was pitching like he did as a rookie...in a seven game series our starters would be Schmidt, Cain, Morris, Lowry. That would be pretty good if they were all peaking, or at least pitching like we know they can.

Finally, (and this really deserves its own posting, but whatever, I'm lazy) I'm glad my blog buddy gent John has finally come around on the whole Barry thing. Mr. Bonds is putting it together down the stretch for the Gents and really impacting the entire lineup like he used to. I finally feel like he is a legitimate home run threat on every pitch now, something I couldn't say for most of the season. I see him finishing strong and carrying the momentum into next season. I really am optimistic for next year, when he should break the HR record in a Gents uniform. What I really hope is that he drops a few pounds in the off-season to take pressure off his knees next year. I think if he gets in better shape and takes care of his knee this off-season, he will have a chance to finish his career on a strong note next season. Amen

Matt Cain: God or mere demi-god?

2006-09-15T13:12:00.000-07:00

Those are pretty much the two options at this point. Stats for The Chosen One over his last six starts: 5-0, 0.21 ERA, 42 innings, 43 strikeouts, 19 hits, untold thousands of overjoyed Giants fans. There's hope for the future! It's not a black hole in the post-Barry world! (BTW, I've softened on the Barry situation and would welcome him back next season. If the Giants had continued on their 74-win pace of earlier this season, that's a different story.)
Cain has been nothing short of spectacular for the last month. Two more starts like this and he should wrap up ROY and Pitcher of the Month easy. Speaking of ROY, who are even the other candidates? Let's have a look:
Conor Jackson - .286 ba, 13 hr, 70 rbi, .371 obp, .436 slg
Prince Fielder - .275, 25, 73, .348, .486
Josh Johnson - 12-7, 3.10 era, 133 k, 1.30 whip
Hanley Ramirez - .288, 13, 49, .354, .459, 48 sb
Cain - 13-9, 3.75, 163, 1.22
That's some stiff competition, and I didn't even include Dan Uggla or Anibal Sanchez. Good year for rookies. But I think Cain is right there stats-wise, and he's doing it while carrying the Giants staff in a pennant race on a roster chock-full of veterans. I may be a homer, but that seems like a compelling case to me.
Oh, and the last Giant to win ROY? John Montefusco in 1975. That was 31 years ago! It's time.

Moving is the theme these days...

2006-09-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

It is good to hear that Johnny boy has taken yet another step towards being the most whipped man alive by moving in with the GF. I guess I'm not in much of a position to talk considering that I will most likely be moving back home in a few weeks at the conclusion of my illustrious 5+ year college career. As lame as that sounds, I will nonetheless be closer to my beloved Gents as they make their wild card stretch run. Speaking of which, this weekend is going to be absolutely crucial for our wild card hopes. We have a three game set against the Pads, winners of five straight and current leaders of the wild card. If the Gents sweep, they will be 1/2 game back. Let's just say they will have to win the series to keep hopes alive. Hopefully Barry will retain his home run stroke after having the day off during today's win. I think he can make it to just under 30 homers by the end of the season, which would give him about 735 career. No matter what, he should break Aaron's record next year. And that needs to happen on the Giants. I don't want to hear any more talk about blowing up the roster "starting with Barry". And that goes double for you, Gent John. If the man wants to come back and break the record in SF and retire, more power to him. He deserves that much. Considering that the Giants are now second only to the Cubs as the most tortured franchise in MLB, Barry is really the only thing we Giants fans have to hold onto. And I really don't care that he used steroids; so have the majority of professional athletes. Actually screw that: living in SoCal the past 5 years has shown me that about 80% of the male population 'roids before every beach season. But I digress. Barry is going to help us down the stretch, and if by some miracle we make the playoffs, there's no saying what can happen. Until next time.

Long Time No See

2006-09-06T17:59:00.000-07:00

Since I was busy moving (and SoCal Ty was busy furthering his educational directive ... I mean, getting hammed up at college), nothing was said of the Giants’ last two weeks of ridiculousness. Truthfully, I haven’t been able to follow them closely what with moving into a new apartment that has no cable or internet - although I did paint my kitchen Giants-orange. (Don’t tell the girlfriend, she thinks it’s “pumpkin.” Awesome.) All I know is that the Gents are right back in the wild card chase, with the Padres coming to town this weekend. The Bums are running away with the West, which is disheartening because it destroys my idea that the Gents could go beyond the first round. But that’s not what it’s about dammit - just get to the playoffs, and even the world’s fastest three-game sweep at the hands of the Mets would be considered a success. Because, as we’ve mentioned before, her’s what the Giants currently consist of:
1. A 42-year-old mirage of a former slugger who can barely run at half speed without nearly toppling like a drunken Stanford tree.
2. a 39-year-old shortstop who’s playing out of his mind.
3. A closer who’s so hated he gets booed just for warming up.
4. A 196-year-old manager who generally acts like it’s still 1972.
5. An “ace” pitcher with a nasty habit of getting rocked every few starts.
6. Mike Stanton.
This is not a playoff team, but I’ll be ecstatic if they can sneak into the playoffs. (Bruce Jenkins would rather they miss the playoffs, for the long-term greater good. But he’s a jackass.) A playoff run hopefully won’t make management think this team can survive next year - if they don’t blow it up (starting with Barry) and rebuild, The name of this blog will change to “Cove Suicide Drowning”.

ROLL ON YOU GENTS

2006-08-27T12:50:00.000-07:00

Fuck yeah, roll on. Last night's domination by Noah Lowry makes it 10 wins in 13 games for the Giants. Remember all that talk about how every team in the NL West BUT the Giants has had a hot streak this season? Kaput! Two more wins and SF will be a .500 team for the first time since Jesus was born. As far as Lowry - badass. It's about goddamn time he lived up to the hype we gave him before the season. Once again, I'm feeling good about a Lowry-Cain rotation for a long time coming, presumably as the only saving grace of what will be a BAD team for at least 2 years. But those two are worth watching every time they take the mound, because something special could always happen.
Now let's get a little crazy. Suppose the Giants actually make the playoffs - a long shot, but a possibility - there are two scenarios I see for them. The first is that they win the wild card and play the Mets in the first round, in which case they'll be swept ever so embarassingly. The Mets are the best team in the NL, bar none. But what if the Giants win the West? Then they would play the Cardinals. I'm telling you, they could beat the Cardinals easy. The Cardinals are not very good, period - outside of Pujols and Rolen, their offense ain't what it used to be, and their pitching couldn't win a Little League game. Mark Mulder is positively terrible, so even if the Giants lost Game 1 to Carpenter, they would have a HUGE upside in both a Lowry vs. Mulder and Cain vs. Marquis/Weaver/a bag of chips matchup. And if someone upsets the Mets ... well, I'm not getting my hopes up, but with the Giants' starters a run in the playoffs is totally possible. I'm just sayin'.

Stop the ride, I'm gonna be sick

2006-08-24T10:33:00.000-07:00

This Giants season has been like one of those relentless action movies that just has action scene piled on comedy pile od action. Just back and forth, up and down - basically, the 2006 Giants are the baseball equivalent of "Bad Boys 2," only without the bonus of being totally fuckin' sweet. The Giants are not totally sweet, despite winning 7 of their last 10. And now Barry says he wants to come back, which is about as exciting to think about as a case of the clap. Seriously, make it all stop.
At least Mandy got a measure of redemption yesterday, finally saving a game. I'm still frightened to my very core every time he takes the mound, but it's easier to let up on the guy when the Giants are winning (even after he blows one). As long as I don't have to sit through any more games like Saturday's, I'll be a happy man.

Let's play the Padres every week!

2006-08-18T14:12:00.000-07:00

Alright, the Giants have won four straight after losing 16 of 19. The Padres seem to be punching bags for the Gents - if Mandy hadn't given in to the all-powerful being that is Terrmel Sledge, this would have been 8 straight over the Pads. That one homer you see? Guess who gave it up. (Also, if Mandy hadn't blown that game, the Gents might not have lost those afroementioned 16 of 19. I still hate Mandy.) Now the Dodgers come to town, five days after sweeping the Giants in L.A. I know I gave up on the Giants on Monday, but a sweep of the Bums and this thang ain't over. And what is it with our second basemen kicking ass this season? Welcome to the show, Kevin Frandsen! Now carry the bat bag, rook.
I'm going to be covering the game Saturday night - you can read all about it in the Oakland Tribune and the esteemed Marin IJ. I'm hoping Mark Sweeney does something good, so I can suck him off like Ralph Barbieri on KNBR drive time. That would be awesome.

Eating crow

2006-08-16T17:17:00.000-07:00

I would just like to acknowledge that my foot is currently in my mouth after bagging on the Giants and proceeding to watch them win two straight one-run games saved by none other than Mandy "I can only throw a fastball" Benitez. Although I am happy for his recent success, the sense of dread that I am filled with the moment Mandy begins throwing in the bullpen will exist as long as he is in a Giants' uniform. That got me wishing for a consistent closer, which in turn got me thinking about the man who should be pitching the ninth for the Gents--Joe Nathan. If memory serves, Nathan was a highly touted prospect as a starting pitcher when he came up in the Giants farm system. Like most young Giants' pitching prospects (Think Jesse "Floppert"), they rushed him to the big leagues, where he proceeded to hurt his arm. I am convinced that this is done intentionally to torture Giants' fans--every few years, we are teased by some mercurial 20 year-old pitcher who tears through the minor leagues, throwing effortlessly in the high '90's with dirty movement for a year before hurting himself. After the injury, the pitcher invariably comes back but isn't the same, mostly because he has no confidence from being rushed to the big leagues. Then before he can build that confidence back up, he is thrown to the wolves again, shelled a few times, and traded. And in the case of Nathan, he wound up going to the Twins' and becoming the upper-middle class man's Mariano Rivera. It's like hooking up with a smoking hot girl your first year of college, abandoning her when she puts on the inevitable freshman 15, then watching her develop bulimia and get hot again, only to date some douchebag frat boy. Oh, and just to complete the analogy, your girlfriend turns out to be an obese, no-talent assbag from the Dominican Republic. It's torture, I tell you, torture.

Wait ... What just happened?

2006-08-16T12:45:00.000-07:00

It never fails: as soon as I write off the Giants, they go and win two straight one-run games over the Padres. This by no means gets the Giants back on track, not with the Dodgers winning like this is RBI Baseball or some such nonsense, but it's good to see. As far as Mandy's Lazarus-like resurrection is concerned, I'm not holding my breath. Remember he saved seven in a row in June before turning into the most hated Giant of all time. He'd pretty much have to save every game from here on out and quit acting like a WWF villain before San Francisco fans will let up on him. But man, the starting pitching has finally come around and doesn't look like the Royals' castoffs anymore. Pretty much every L.A. game was well-pitched, and now Hennessey and Morris are in on the action. And it looks like Hennessey's there to stay, as long as we've got the abortion known as Jamey Wright as our only other option. How does a guy stick around 10 years without ever posting a winning record? Todd Van Poppel wasn't even that bad.

BTW, if you're itching for a real, balls-out baseball brawl, I got your medicine right here.

That sinking feeling...

2006-08-14T18:44:00.000-07:00

Where to begin with the list of grievances??? I think that as well as Maddux pitched, the Giants made it way, WAY too easy for him. In classic Maddux fashion, he challenged them on the first pitch of every at-bat and, in most cases, got a pop-up or groundball. However this was not a quintessential Maddux performance where he paints the corners with pinpoint accuracy and never throws a ball over the middle of the plate. He was tossing 86-88 mph cheese up there on the first pitch and the Giants just kept popping it up. That is why Maddux only threw 68 pitches in 8 innings--the Giants were being challenged and simply could not rise to the occasion. They never got deep in any count because Maddux was throwing so many hittable pitches early in the count. He even made several location mistakes that the Giants obviously could not make him pay for. And he showed why he wins the Gold Glove year after year--what about that snag on Bonds' first-inning line drive? That one definitely gave him and the crowd a huge boost. I actually felt pretty confident after that first inning--the Gents had three hard-hit balls, although 2 of them were caught. Little did I know that those first-inning line drives would be the hardest-hit balls by the Giants all night. They played another uninspired game, culminating in Jose Vizcaino's failure to lay down a bunt in the late innings after missing the sign and failing to even attempt to bunt at the first-pitch strike. Even worse, they wasted a gem from Schmidt, who I felt outdueled Maddux and, obviously, deserved a better result. Their age showed again in the outfield and their bullpen let them down yet again. There are few positives to really discuss at this point, which means that I will have to resort to bagging on the Dodgers. With that in mind, some quick thoughts about the Dodger Stadium experience:

1. Did you know that it is illegal to tailgate or drink alcohol in the Dodger Stadium parking lot? Neither did I until I went to the game and couldn't even unload the car before bicycle-riding cops told us they would give us a ticket if we lit our charcoal or cracked open a beer. We had to hoof it half a mile to a park outside the stadium grounds in order to drink and eat. Lets just say that we were the only a) white people and b) Giants fans in the entire park. I still have nightmares about it actually. Apparently there were too many fires from tailgate barbecues (Leave it to Dodger fans to mistakingly start fires in the middle of a giant concrete parking lot) and they simply outlaw drinking booze because they have something up their collective ass. (Or, more likely, because they want you to enter the stadium and buy $9 beers) Unfortunately this presents a problem for those with bleacher tickets because...

2. Alcohol is prohibited in the bleachers! The justification for this travesty is that the bleachers are the "family" section of Dodger stadium. Yes sir, nothing screams "family bonding" more than taking the whole clan to the Chavez Ravine bleachers to witness mob-mentality level harassment of those in black and orange. If your goal is to get your 5 year-old to cuss like a tatooed mulitple felon from East L.A., the Dodger Stadium bleachers are perfect for you. Or if you want them throwing half-eaten hot dogs at anyone with an "SF" on their hat. We got around this by smuggling our Natties into the stadium in our knee-high socks. (This was our plan anyways, to avoid the exorbitant beer prices) You can fit an entire six-pack in those things if you are clever.

3. The general lack of interest in the actual game being played is staggering. Beach balls, the wave, and chanting unoriginal anti-Bonds things is the entertainment of choice for Dodger fans. I would say anywhere from 5-8 beach balls fell on the field over the course of the game, resulting in stoppage of play every time. What really chaps my ass though, is that Dodger fans would rather cuss at Barry than cheer for their own team. They booed louder before Bonds' first at-bat than they cheered after Maddux sno-coned his line drive. That is just pathetic. Their team is in first place in the division and going for their first sweep of their arch-rival in over a decade! You'd think that would garner more attention than a struggling, past-his prime slugger trying to squeeze every last ounce of talent out of his failing body.

4. Dodger dogs rule, especially the grilled ones. Oh wait, this is a list of grievances, damnit...

5. Dodger fans wear those retarded blue and white-streaked wigs that make it look like they have blue and white skunks on their heads. This seems like a fad that should have faded out around the same time as MC Hammer and Legends of the Hidden Temple but somehow it is still going strong.

Anyways, you get the idea. This fan base is most likely going to get to experience playoff baseball for the second time in three seasons. Meanwhile Giants fans are as tortured as ever. And I am really not sure where to look from here. We are pretty much at the end of the line for the Bonds epoch in San Francisco. It looks like a few rebuilding years are definitely in order. At least we are in a good stadium and there is no threat of the team leaving like in '95. I would join the Niners' bandwagon, but I am actually liking the prospects of this year's Cal football team a lot better. The Pac-10 is wide open and, with the return of Longshore, we won't have to watch Joe Ayoob completely demoralize all of Berkeley every Saturday. Until next time...

A Game That Lived Up to the Hype

2006-08-13T21:45:00.000-07:00

Soon enough I'll get to the things I'm pissed off about, but for now I want to focus on a good thing. People have been talking since Thursday night about the Schmidt-Maddux duel on Sunday Night Baseball tonight, looking forward to it like it was the World Series. Well, neither pitcher disappointed.Maddux threw 68 pitches in 8 shutout innings, and Schmidt matched him with 9 strikeouts in 8 scoreless as well.It was some seriously dominant pitching. Rarely does a game live up to the kind of hype this one was getting, but as Mike Krukow so deftly pointed out in the pregame show, Maddux and Schmidt respond to who they are pitching against. It was fun to watch.
Until, you knw, the Giants took a big, fat shit on the season. Reasons why the Gents are done:
1. They just got swept by the Dodgers. You read that correctly - it hasn't happened since 1995, a truly dark time in Giants history. Call it the death knell for a pitiful season. That's 16 losses in 19 games, by the way.
2. The Dodgers are running away with the West, and there's no way the Gents are getting the wild card. It's over.
3. The Giants' ace throws his best game of the year, shuts out the Dodgers for eight innings against Greg Maddux; Mike Stanton comes in and pitches his first solid inning as a Giant; then Vinnie Chulk, the only reliable Giants reliever in the last two weeks, comes in and gives up a walk-off homer on the second pitch in the 10th. The writing is on the damn wall, people.
4. A 39-year-old shortstop with 3 home runs is officially the Giants' most valuable player. ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!
If you like, join me on the 49ers bandwagon. It's warm, inviting, and there's not much pressure. Alex Smith will be your driver.

BEAT L.A.! BEAT L.A.!

2006-08-10T14:28:00.000-07:00

Or, at the very least, don't lose too badly. The Gents head down south to start a three-game set with the hottest team in baseball and ... well, let's just leave it at this: 15 hits, 3 runs, 5 double plays. The Giants have now hit into a league-leading 112 double plays - 112! They've only played 114 games! Did they sign Ben Grieve in spring training and not tell anyone? That's an absurd number of DPs. After each one, Jon Miller (on the radio broadcast) would get more and more dejected, like someone was giving him running updates on his many horse racing bets, and they weren't doing well.
What's still amazing, however, is that Giants aren't out of it yet. They're only four back in the division and 4 1/2 back in the wild card. It's just they're luck that everyone else in the NL sucks shit.
Off-topic ... I was listening to Gary Radnich this morning, and he was talking about baseball cards and what they mean to people. It got me thinking: There isn't a single player on the Giants that I would want to own a 2006 card of. Last year, at least I could have had a Matt Cain rookie card, or the comedy of an Edgardo Alfonzo. And maybe next year I can have a Jonathan Sanchez or Merkin Valdez rookie, since the Gents refuse to call either of those guys up. But this year? No one. Unless I get the hankering for a sweet Shea Hillenbrand collectible.

Goodbye, Mr. Schmidt

2006-08-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

I'm a realist: Jason Schmidt won't be in a Giants uniform next year. I just don't see them ponying up the kind of dough Schmidt is going to demand - especially not when you see how much money lesser pitchers are making. Schmidt is going to demand at least $13 mil a year, probably for about 5 years. The two problems I see with the Giants meeting that demand:
1. Schmidt has been about a .500 pitcher the past two years, and now in a contract year he's posting a 3.15 ERA. The Giants like him, but they're already paying him over $10 mil a year and I don't think they think he deserves that much of a raise.
2. After the Edgardo Alfonzo and Armando Benitez fiascoes, I don't see them giving another deal over 3 years. Schmidt is 33 years old and he wants a deal that will take him to retirement - meaning he wants at least 5 years, I'm guessing. The Giants might consider a 3-year, $40 mil deal, but they'd never do a 5-year, $70 mil deal.
Which means that last night's dominant performance is the start of the Jason Schmidt Departure Watch. For a couple of years, Schmidt was everything Giants fans had been dreaming of since 1993 - a true shutdown ace. He was up there with Schilling, Clemens, Halladay, Pedro and all the big names for a while. You could count on him every five days (but apparently, no sooner). I won't be happy to watch him go, but the Gents need to clean house and I don't think they want a 33-year-old pitcher clogging up $14 mil of their payroll. Just my gut feeling.
Do you see any way he comes back?

I Voice My Displeasure In a Hailstorm of Shit-Smelling Garbage!

2006-08-05T11:05:00.000-07:00

Nice going, Gents. You drop your 10th out of 11 games and force your normally half-asleep fans to pelt the Rockies' dugout with garbage - if you'd start winning, this wouldn't happen. Oh yeah, and if the ump wasn't a raging asshole, it might not have happened either. I didn't see the game or that moment (I was being sublected to "The Notebook" by a roomful of females), but it sure sounds like that ump was egging Barry on. Yeah, Bonds blew his top, but as Henry Schulman pointed out, Bonds has been dreadful this year. He never argues strikes, and he NEVER gets tossed, which makes me think he's not having the best of times right now, and that pitch might actually have been pretty bad. As for the throwing garbage on the field ... Awesome. It was about damn time the fans started to get riled up. Good thing the Dodgers weren't in town and it wasn't Free D-Cell Battery night.

Giants win! Holy shit!

2006-08-02T19:16:00.000-07:00

You read that correctly - the Giants won today. Finally. That snapped a 9-game losing streak, which tied their longest since 1996. One more loss would have been their worst streak in a decade. I was there, which broke a streak of my own - I hadn’t seen a Giants win in person since last season (that’s four straight games). The feeling in the stadium was surreal, from both the team and the fans. It was like everyone there knew the Gents COULDN’T lose, that it just wasn’t going to happen. The Giants came to play from the get-go. Schmidt dominated after Soriano’s leadoff homer, and the Giants actually made clutch hits to score runs. The most interesting part, however, was experiencing the Benitez situation first-hand.
I’ve been all over Mandy this season, and I was calling for his head over the losing streak. But I don’t boo the Giants when I go to the game. I don’t think you should boo anyone on the home team, as long as they are playing hard and actually care about their performance (that was Benitez’s worst offense - he didn’t care). But the crowd reaction to Mandy was something I’ve never seen before - most of the stadium started booing AS HE WALKED TO THE BULLPEN TO WARM UP. Just the idea of having him come in for a save situation pissed people off. When he actually came in (two-run lead, two outs, no one on), the crowd booed him. They cheered derisively when he threw his first strike, then cheered half-ironically, half-seriously on his second. When he walked the batter, they booed him, and then EXPLODED into mocking applause when he got pulled. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to have your hometown fans hatre you this much. I really wanted him to succeed - not just for the win, but because the guy deserved a measure of success after the shitty time he’s had. Seeing it in person made me change my tune a bit - if he continues to blow saves, I’ll still be pissed, but I’ll be pulling for him to succeed (rather than assuming he’ll fail).
My friend Tyler brought up a great point - what is Felipe thinking with this situation? He keeps throwing Mandy out there to the wolves under the toughest circumstances, almost like he wants to see his closer fail again. Why not send him out, on the road, in the seventh or eighth? Let him get a little confidence for three or four appearances. He could use a little confidence these days, I’m sure.

I Live For This! ... and Mandy

2006-08-01T12:28:00.000-07:00

The Giants continued their attack on the fragile psyches of all San Franciscans with another soul-crushing loss to the horrible Nationals. Unlike just about every other game in their 8-game skid, Mandy Benitez wasn't responsible for this one. The rest of the pitching staff decided to take some of the heat off Mandy by dropping a fat deuce all over the diamond. Brain Wilson, the only candidate for the "future closer" tag on the current roster, gave up three runs in 1/3 of an inning. Lowry looked awful again - what happened to him? Weren't he and Matt Cain supposed to be the anchors of this staff for the next 10 years? Lowry is doing his best Jerome Williams, Year Two impersonation this year.